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How soon is now? - Manufacturing Maternal Instinct?

About How soon is now?

Previous Entry How soon is now? May. 14th, 2009 @ 02:47 pm Next Entry
So I might be about to do something that is a little crazy.  It has been almost a year since I have finally stopped talking to my ex.  In fact... the one year anniversary of the "no contact" finale is probably on or around May 25th.  And, well...  he texted me last night.  I think that he currently has a permanent residence in South Carolina right now because I checked the area code.  I did not answer him until an hour or so after he texted me, because I really really had to think about what I was doing.

He said to me: "Happy 5/13".

May 13th, 2005 (Friday the 13th, in fact) was  a random day that we decided to celebrate before we dated when we were just friends.  There were five of us, all friends at the time.  One of us had a bad day, so we decided to make up for it and spend the night together in an adventure that led us to the local forbidden train trestle deep in the woods.  We did no drugs and drank no alcohol.  We simply enjoyed each other's company under the stars.  So of course we decided to celebrate that day annually.

I am not sure if we ever really did.  In fact, I do not think it has been mentioned again on the actual day until last night.  I wasn't even sure it was him when he first texted me.  It really took me aback, being as random as it was.  It even took me a second to realize what the text was referring to.  At first I thought it was a friend congratulating me on my 11 month anniversary with my current boyfriend, but then I looked at the text again and realized the specific wording:  "Happy 5/13".  Not, "Happy 11 Months".

So when my boyfriend went home (I did not want to upset him), I texted him back saying: "5/13...  Can't believe anyone still remembers."

And then he answered: "Is it inappropriate for me to text you?"  "I don't see why we can't just talk as friends."

I paused...  I was very hesitant about answering.  Has he grown up?  Does he still have an alternate motive?  But my boyfriend always tells me that I make too many assumptions, so my curious side overcame my cautious/hesitant side and I answered him:

"Well distance has healed old wounds.  You seem far enough away to be harmless.  So I don't think it's 'inappropriate'."

He answered, "That's good to hear.  Can I call you later tonight or tomorrow?"

Now I was nervous again.  So I lied a little:  "I'm sleeping now.  Just woke up for a moment."

He said, "Okay.  Sorry to wake you.  I'll try to get in touch with you tomorrow.  Have a good night."

And now it is tomorrow.  I haven't heard from him yet, and I do not know what to do.  I'm not really sure if I should be talking to him, but I think that I have grown enough to the point that I can speak to him as a friend.  I don't know about him, though.  He had a tough time maturing.  He has been in the Navy now for over a year a half, but is that enough time to grow out of foolishness?

Was that a long enough time to move on from me?  I know that statement sounds somewhat conceited, but he was really connected to me.  I put him through some kind of mixed signals hell.  He was my first serious relationship, and I was still developing.  I still had a malicious man-hating side to me that I too often took out on him.  So his wounds are probably a lot deeper than my wounds.

And what about my boyfriend?  Will he be mad or even jealous?  Or will he be ok with me talking to him?  I wish I could say that if he suddenly started talking to an ex that I would be ok with it...  But I am not entirely sure about that.  I think that I would be jealous just a tiny bit, but I would allow it anyway, as one cannot control anyone else but themselves.

But should I talk to him?  Will he want to talk all the time if I talk to him once?  Because that's an attachment that I know I definitely cannot handle right now.  I don't know.  Maybe it is still too soon...

Current Music: Dark Blue, Jack's Mannequin
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